When I begin this blog, it was an opportunity to write little anecdotes about my thought and feelings about pregnancy. It was a handful of short notes about the beginning of a long journey. That journey took a detour that nobody saw coming.
On the evening of Wednesday Feb 29th, at 25 weeks pregnant, and being only 26 year old, I had a stroke.
For the lack of better phrase, I am still "rapping my head" around this fact. I am healthy, young and had a sharp mind, and besides stroke happen to old people. Strokes are what happen to people at my grandmothers church, or someone you hear about who was a former Odd Fellows member with my grandfather. No me. Not someone like me, in my prime, and definitely not someone 6 months pregnant. But here I am. I am writing this blog, the first one in a while, from my hospital bed.
The 2 bit of information that I think are most important are these.
1. My baby Girl is fine, and will live to her full term inside me, and once she is born she will be as beautiful and perfect as I can possible imagine.
and
2. I too will eventually be fine. I have a long road ahead of me with a lot of work and sometimes frustrations, but I can do it.
If this has taught me anything the past 5 days, is that I am so NOT alone. I am so incredibly blessed with with the best support network anyone could ask for. And the lead ringer of the group of most amazing people a person could be luck to know, has been my husband. He has been my rock since this started, and I know with him, and everyone else, in my corner, I am going to come out of this better and stronger than I was before.
That is my promise.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Mystery Solved
Dear Peanut,
You're a GIRL! I went to the Dr. this morning and got to see you for the first time since you were 9 weeks. You are developing just as you should be, and you have already got that big ole Provin noggin :)
I saw your brain and heart and spine, along with your fingers and toes. Although you were extremely wiggly, so I am guessing you are taking after me in not liking to have your picture taken.
Your Papa is so excited about you. He was all grins as we walked out to the parking lot, and was looking forward to sharing the good news with everyone at work.
Then your Grandma and I went shopping :)
You are going to be the best dressed kid in all the south side!
Your picture is up on our fridge, and I am already looking forward to the next time I get to see that big head of yours!
Love you so much, my little Sofia Michelle
You're a GIRL! I went to the Dr. this morning and got to see you for the first time since you were 9 weeks. You are developing just as you should be, and you have already got that big ole Provin noggin :)
I saw your brain and heart and spine, along with your fingers and toes. Although you were extremely wiggly, so I am guessing you are taking after me in not liking to have your picture taken.
Your Papa is so excited about you. He was all grins as we walked out to the parking lot, and was looking forward to sharing the good news with everyone at work.
Then your Grandma and I went shopping :)
You are going to be the best dressed kid in all the south side!
Your picture is up on our fridge, and I am already looking forward to the next time I get to see that big head of yours!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Fashion Non Sence
Dr Peanut,
It's starting to happen. You are begining to make yourself known to the world via my waistline. So far others have only known of your exsistance by word of mouth and a grainy photo of you as a 27mm long lump, but last night as I went to put on a favorite pair of jeans, they just wouldn't quite button. This brings about mixed emotions. On one hand I am excited that you are growing and stretching and making yourself at home. On the other hand this means that maternity pants are quickly around the corner.
I didn't think I would dread maternity clothes, then Christmas happened. Santa Claus(who, let me say, can be brutually honest at times) brought me 2 pairs of maternity pants, and let me just say ugh....
While I am not excited about looking like a frumpy hippy for a few months, and though I have been reassured that they do make clothes much cuter than those bestowed on me by St. Nick, in the end know that I would wear burlap sack so long as it ensured your health, comfort and development.
With so much love,
Your Mama
p.s. We get to see you on Monday, so be sure to pick up your room and wash behind your ears, because this is the big day when we find out if your our son or daughter! xoxo
It's starting to happen. You are begining to make yourself known to the world via my waistline. So far others have only known of your exsistance by word of mouth and a grainy photo of you as a 27mm long lump, but last night as I went to put on a favorite pair of jeans, they just wouldn't quite button. This brings about mixed emotions. On one hand I am excited that you are growing and stretching and making yourself at home. On the other hand this means that maternity pants are quickly around the corner.
I didn't think I would dread maternity clothes, then Christmas happened. Santa Claus(who, let me say, can be brutually honest at times) brought me 2 pairs of maternity pants, and let me just say ugh....
While I am not excited about looking like a frumpy hippy for a few months, and though I have been reassured that they do make clothes much cuter than those bestowed on me by St. Nick, in the end know that I would wear burlap sack so long as it ensured your health, comfort and development.
With so much love,
Your Mama
p.s. We get to see you on Monday, so be sure to pick up your room and wash behind your ears, because this is the big day when we find out if your our son or daughter! xoxo
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Little bit of something good
Dear Peanut,
I have something I feel is very important to share with you, and it's something I want you to do your best to always remember...
There truly is more good than bad in this world.
Sometimes I forget that. Actually quite often I forget that. It is so easy to be consumed by the daily grind, and it seems the media takes such pleasure from scaring the pants off us, that we often forget to recognize the good. And it's silly because there is so much good, and it surrounds us. Often we don't notice it because it's the little acts. It's someone letting you in front of them in line because you only have one item, or a neighbor smiling and saying hello, or a stranger holding a door for you. But each one of those little actions, and all the others like them, are our constant reminder that this is a good world we live in.
Yes sometimes bad things happen, sometimes really really bad things happen, but if you only focus on the bad, you'll miss out on the true beauty of the world.
I got to thinking about all this, because you are my little bit of something good, and today when the stress and responsibilities of life started to wear me down, you did something to remind me. You moved :) Just a tiny bit, a little flutter. It was subtle, yet the perfect reminder. A private moment of you saying, it's ok mama, it's all ok, and I thank you for that.
I have something I feel is very important to share with you, and it's something I want you to do your best to always remember...
There truly is more good than bad in this world.
Sometimes I forget that. Actually quite often I forget that. It is so easy to be consumed by the daily grind, and it seems the media takes such pleasure from scaring the pants off us, that we often forget to recognize the good. And it's silly because there is so much good, and it surrounds us. Often we don't notice it because it's the little acts. It's someone letting you in front of them in line because you only have one item, or a neighbor smiling and saying hello, or a stranger holding a door for you. But each one of those little actions, and all the others like them, are our constant reminder that this is a good world we live in.
Yes sometimes bad things happen, sometimes really really bad things happen, but if you only focus on the bad, you'll miss out on the true beauty of the world.
I got to thinking about all this, because you are my little bit of something good, and today when the stress and responsibilities of life started to wear me down, you did something to remind me. You moved :) Just a tiny bit, a little flutter. It was subtle, yet the perfect reminder. A private moment of you saying, it's ok mama, it's all ok, and I thank you for that.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
It's time we talked
Dear Peanut,
It's been 4 months since you came to be a blob of cells, muliplying and eventually forming you into the tiny human you are currently growing inside me. I will save us both the embaressment of relaying the details of how you were conceived, but I do have many a bone to pick with you about all the trouble you have caused since that faithful evening.
I have to admit I thought pregnancy was going to be awesome! I could get fat and not feel pressured by society, I could indulge in guilty food pleasures, I could park in the expectant mother parking at department stores, and I could get away with wearing Muumuu's in public. Pregnancy was going to be heaven!
But my sweet little peanut you squashed that delusion immedietly.
Pregnancy so far has been mostly miserable. Between the sickness, and the bloating, and the insane out bursts of crying hysterically or shouting in rage at the fact that I ran out of laundry detergent, I'm surprised your father hasn't packed up and sought refuge.
The books warn of all of these and many other what I have dubbed "preggo problems", all of which you have happily reigned down upon me, but the books just don't do justice as to just how miserable each new symptom truly is.
Remember though Peanut, I said mostly miserable. There have been those little moments where I am in aww of how in love I am with someone that I am yet to even meet.
I cried with joy when I showed the pink + to your papa, and my heart swelled the first time I saw you on the ultrasound screen. you were a tiny mass, 27mm big, but I loved you more than I've loved anything before. And in 3 weeks I get to see you again, this time as a tiny person, and find out if you will be my son or daughter.
So dear Peanut, for all the miserey there has been some amazing moments along the way, and many many more lay ahead of us, and I cannot wait to experience them all with you.
xoxo
It's been 4 months since you came to be a blob of cells, muliplying and eventually forming you into the tiny human you are currently growing inside me. I will save us both the embaressment of relaying the details of how you were conceived, but I do have many a bone to pick with you about all the trouble you have caused since that faithful evening.
I have to admit I thought pregnancy was going to be awesome! I could get fat and not feel pressured by society, I could indulge in guilty food pleasures, I could park in the expectant mother parking at department stores, and I could get away with wearing Muumuu's in public. Pregnancy was going to be heaven!
But my sweet little peanut you squashed that delusion immedietly.
Pregnancy so far has been mostly miserable. Between the sickness, and the bloating, and the insane out bursts of crying hysterically or shouting in rage at the fact that I ran out of laundry detergent, I'm surprised your father hasn't packed up and sought refuge.
The books warn of all of these and many other what I have dubbed "preggo problems", all of which you have happily reigned down upon me, but the books just don't do justice as to just how miserable each new symptom truly is.
Remember though Peanut, I said mostly miserable. There have been those little moments where I am in aww of how in love I am with someone that I am yet to even meet.
I cried with joy when I showed the pink + to your papa, and my heart swelled the first time I saw you on the ultrasound screen. you were a tiny mass, 27mm big, but I loved you more than I've loved anything before. And in 3 weeks I get to see you again, this time as a tiny person, and find out if you will be my son or daughter.
So dear Peanut, for all the miserey there has been some amazing moments along the way, and many many more lay ahead of us, and I cannot wait to experience them all with you.
xoxo
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